At the end of 2021, we sent out a holiday card celebrating Ken, featuring some of his more recent, lighter moments. I wanted people to have a memento if they wished and to share a beloved holiday memory with everyone.
I feel his enormous absence constantly AND at the same time, am moving forward with the “empty canvas” that a New Year brings. Learning as much as I have about grief, I understand now that it is never something to ‘get over’ — it’s something to always carry. Some days, I integrate and carry it well. And some days (rarer now as time goes on) it’s everything I can do to handle it. Maybe that’s why grief is so scary, because it seems like it can’t be predicted or contained and would block out the sun from ever reaching us again. But I know on the flip side of grief is love, and grief reveals the meaning and depth of our connection– it’s significance and delicacy. Carrying and remembering that love (and general love of life) is what I’ve come to focus on. How do I/we do better valuing what we have in this present moment? That’s what I’ve been reflecting on as we rebuild and move into 2022.
(We have extra cards so if you’d like one, let me know.)
Thank you for sharing this beautiful hard-earned wisdom about grief with us, Kali. I don’t think I’ll ever truly understand why within the suffering of pain and loss lives life greatest lessons, but it’s something I hope to always be aware of and I appreciate your reminder. May the beauty and value of each present moment continue to find you, and all of us, as this new year unfolds.
Ps. Your holiday card is still hanging in our entryway. I love it.
Such a beautiful perspective, Kali. Much love to you and the kids.
Cynthia & Steve